Christmas Wishlist

Oh Santa Claus,

Without getting into how Santa is a feminine form of "saint" in Spanish (because I'm not here to offend you, so I won't mention that; it would only be for chuckles anyway), I just wanted to ask for one simple thing:

You see, I got this friend. And she doesn't believe me when I tell her I got a twin! I have one, you know! You deliver presents to him! So you know! And it hurts that she has so little faith in my word (or perhaps my sanity...) that I could just cry! DON'T LET HER MAKE ME CRY!!! He exists! He's the GOOD TWIN!!!!!! (I mean... I'm good too... though... honest!... It's just... if we're making comparisons... uh...)

And I'm not saying she's being mean to me. No, you don't have to put her on the naughty list, or give her coal, or anything. I mean, give her toys; presents; the whole shebang. Give her that flying pony; THAT'D BE FINE! Just leave a little note there that says I have a twin. Not that you have a twin, but that I have a twin...

You know what I mean.

Anyway, I know I'm not on the list for expensive toys that would make my life easier (or manageable in general); no cars, digital camcorders, computer upgrades, top of the line production software, or any of that. But if you would do this one thing for me, that'd be awfully nice of you. :D :D :D :D (with halos on top and everything).

Muchas Gracias,

The Lone Barbarian.

Idiosyncrasies part 2

I direct music with my eyes closed.

I used to do it when I sang as well, but I trained myself out of that. You see, I don't direct choirs very often, but there I was, directing a choir for a Christmas presentation and I was doing it with my eyes closed. It made for amusing rehearsals, lemme tell you. I had to tell them to watch me, while acknowledging that I wouldn't be watching them back. But I would be listening! Oh yes! I'd be listening!

I even audition people that way, if I'm not careful. And I don't know why it is, because I don't have a problem looking people in the eye. I do it when I'm acting, giving speeches, being a jester... No problem. But I used to when I sing, stop myself when I direct plays, and catch myself doing it when I direct choirs. Eyes closed. Just listening.

I guess that's why it's an idiosyncrasy. Personality quirks don't really have to make too much sense, I suppose.

LB

Idiosyncrasies. Part 1 (in case I do this again)

Riding my bike in the fall is dangerous to my regular riding/driving habits.

I mean, normally when riding my bike, I try to avoid unidentified small objects in my path. This habit is good and healthy for my tires, not to mention my overall safety. But in the fall we introduce another foreign object to the roadways; crunchy leaves.

Yes, I start aiming for them. It's one thing to walk along a sidewalk and merrily crunch the leaves beneath your feet. After all, the odds of finding something under those leaves that is going to attack you after you step on it are pretty minimal. But on a bike, when you can zip along and crunch a whole bunch more leaves in a shorter amount of time with only minor wobbles in steering. It's grand. It's fun. It's crunchy goodness time.

Except when you're riding at night, and it's a lot harder to see what the objects in your path are, and you're still (instinctively mind you) trying to crunch leaves. Well, you start trying to crunch things that aren't leaves. Rocks, pebbles, bolts, wire, paper (crumbled still crunches), washers, nails... You get the idea. And instead of trying to avoid them, you're trying to run over them?!?

Fall is more dangerous than most people riding bicycles think.

I need to take my bike into the shop...

Don't worry, it's actually just for a tune-up. :)

LB

A sword! Oh Archimedes! A SWORD!

I Know! Can you believe it???

Every once in a while, you have something happen to you that just totally takes you by surprise. A friend of mine (former roomie, now married) just a little while ago, gave me a sword. JUST GAVE ME A SWORD. How cool is that? And it was just because I didn't have one, and he thought someone who did stage combat as much as he and I did should have a sword.

Kay's GOT to have a sword! (I love quoting movies... yes, it's true)

So now I can add it to my arsenal of otherwise boring weaponry (golf clubs, black painted wooden sword I had since I was like 10, fake light sabers, plastic baby sized He-Man sword, decoration battle ax that looks cool but is held together with hot glue... you know) and feel just a little bit special.

Yes it's a real sword! I mean, it's not sharpened; it's for stage use. But it's real notwithstanding. And that's a really long compound word. Notwithstanding. Not with standing what? or is it Not withstanding what? I know it isn't Notwith standing what? but none of those questions really say what it is that is not being with stood. Or withstood. Probably withstood. My brother would know...

Anyway, the point is, sometimes friends can just be impossibly cool. It would have taken me prolly a REALLY long time for me to be able to afford one on my own, since I'm living off of contracted work. Job to job. Check to check. The cool thing is it's all related to what I actually majored in. It'd be nicer if it was steady work (it's steadily coming contracted work, right now...). But I didn't major in steady work. I majored in I'll be looking for work all my life because every job I take will be temporary and that's the nature of the Entertainment business field. I know, long major name. Try filling that out on forms... Or putting it on your résumé. Or your wezoom! Murder, I'm telling you. You'll be held up in court for that. At knife point! They'll take your wallet and your watch! It's a Swatch? Can I go now?


And due to the hour (and the fact that I accidentally reset my computer) I begin to ponder the navigation of my sails of thought (Can't be a train of thought, because I was navigating; that implies a ship). Oh well. I hope those following don't hit the doldrums...

LB

New Place

So I have a new apartment, on the other side of the tracks, and the other side of the Freeway. Way out there, and I only have a bike.

It's nice to have a place of my own; no roomies, no furniture, no AC, no screens on the windows, no real ventilation in the place, no window coverings at all, no laundry facilities in the immediate vicinity, etc. But it is the only place I could find that I could afford that I could actually put all my stuff in. Now the question is whether I can convince the landlord to let me fix up the place in exchange for rent: Some of the things I want to put in are rather expensive... Like a washer/dryer. Expensive by themselves, to say nothing of adapting the apartment so it has the hookups for it... Blinds run at least $400 (480 was the quote I got), Screens and fixing windows so they actually stay open instead of wanting to come crashing down is gonna cost, too. Replacing the fan in the bathroom (hole in ceiling where it should be; plug and everything there, but no fan, no cover), covers on the lights, cleaning the place (filthy when I got here, but I don't think I'll get a discount for that), replacing vent covers for the heater. If I were to do all that over the next six months (length of contract) I could end up not paying any rent... Which would be funny, because I'd still be paying out all that money to improve the place... We'll see if they let me do it.

I plan on having a housewarming party anyway, but I won't have it until the place is reasonably presentable, and clean. So it'll be a while...

LB

PS, if you want an idea of how dirty the place is, I filled up the vacuum just cleaning one room. ONE ROOM. The one room looks tons better...

Affected effects of Affectation

You really can't say that your environment doesn't affect you. Everything from what kind of job you have, what kind of company you keep, what you had for breakfast, to what kind of things happen to you in any given day affect who you are and who you will become. Not that we are products of society. Not entirely. There is always what we bring to the table as well. Two different people will take the same ingredients and make very different meals out of them.

I'm mentioning this for a few reasons. One, for all those people who keep telling me that "it doesn't affect them." Two, for those who blame their environment for what they have become. And Three, because I'm noticing how my change in environments has affected me.

I have become more serious. Not to say I am without my humor, without the inherent insanity that comes from who I am, or without the desire to be so. I think it boils down to the fact that I haven't been performing for almost a year. This is after about four years of almost non-stop performing. I'm even stage managing right now, and that's not even close to exciting. Stressful, yes. Exciting, no. So I'm going without the post performance highs that I used to live on. The rush of being on stage, whether comedy, musical, or dramatic, is something I do miss. A lot. Seeing shows might help a little, and I haven't been doing that very often. But even then, it's not the same. Not at all. No, preciouss. Not very nice at all...

I also haven't been able to fight. And that's just depressing. I even told one of my cousins (who is under 12) that I was old now, and a very boring person. That's sad. In my defense, it was a lazy Sunday afternoon and not an exciting, game filled weekday. Still, I felt boring. It could also have been the draining hyperactivity of children that made me want to relax.

Another contributing factor is the amount of change that happens when you leave a place for a year, and then come back. First of all, nobody's here anymore. That's a sweeping generalization, because some are still here, but no one has time to hang because they're like me a year ago; constantly in shows, in school, working, and insanely busy. It's that Social Undead-ness. I can't seem to get out of it, and I'm not even in a show. Stage managing one, but it's not the same. Not the same at all (except in the ridiculous time commitment). But we're not even rehearsing at night right now, so those are open, but I'm not used to having the time, and everyone that I first think of spending time with is busy. It's funny. I'm not sure there is a cure for undeath. There isn't in any of the books... Though I think there is in the game Oblivion, but only if you caught it within a certain time frame. Oh well. Maybe it's too late for me to become a normal socially alive person. I think that may have been taken care of way back when I first became an actor.

This isn't whining, in case anyone thought to read it in such a voice. This is more like a scientific introspective. Internal Rhetoric. Yes. Yes! I rather fancy that. Call it Internal Rhetoric.

LB

Contracts Rehearsals and such (Oh MY!)

6 hours a week. WHO THINKS REHEARSING A SHOW IS ONLY FOR 6 HOURS A WEEK?

That's how much they put on my contract; assume yay so much money an hour, at SIX hours a week. I'm rehearsing a show, not doing some jumping jacks! Theatre productions require about 30 hours a week from the ACTORS. Stage Managers are even more worked. I will admit it's a kids show. only one hour. But even if you were to take the time for a two hour show (those 30 hours) and cut it in half, I should still be doing at least 15 hours, as an actor. Stage Manager they should assume at least 20, even for a one hour children's piece.

That said, I should give them the benefit of the doubt. They are business people, they obviously haven't been stage managers. They also told me to keep a record of my hours so I could correct the amount, which would reflect on my fall contract when we go into production. So it's totally fixable. Except they might not believe that I'll be working more than double the amount they think I will. I wonder how that will go over... Blah. Will they understand that I'll prolly be working close to 20 hours a week on this?

Now again, it might not offset too badly, as there is a break in rehearsals while some people go on a trip to London (what? no, I'm not jealous at all). Maybe in the end, it will only be a little more than they thought to pay me. Lemme see...

20*11=220

except it's not 11 weeks now, with the vacation it's only 7

20*7=140

Which is funny because they thought I'd only have 66. So yeah. Looks like I'll be asking them to double my paycheck... Won't that be fun...

LB

Post

Is not usually my favorite brand of cereal. I like Quaker Life and Cinnamon Life. Or Nabisco Shredded Wheat, and I don't mean the little squares either.

Anyway, I've been almost without internet for a while, so I haven't been posting much lately, in case you haven't noticed, but I have some time now, so now I will.





Except there's nothing I feel like writing. Go figure. We'll have to try again later, I suppose.

LB

I'm old.

This comes as no revelation to most of you, but I just felt like saying it. Maybe it comes from the passing of the year, coming of the new year, and my birthday... Something like that, put all together with the strange strawberry mint shake I made myself... I guess we're saving the eggnog for tomorrow, hence the strawberries. I don't know... They go good with most things; most fruits. Weird.

Of course, age is all relative. After all, it's only been a year since I ended my extended sojourn on a college campus... As an undergrad. And I feel tired. That always makes you feel old. Regardless, the New Year is upon us, and I should write a little something before I let it pass me by.




Of course, trying to find something meaningful to write is not always possible when the clock is approaching one in the morning, so never mind. I will just say goodnight.

LB

So now I'm going to scare everyone...

Boo.

Nah, seriously, I will be a freaky appearance, since the look I've had for over 18 months, and the look that most people know me with is changing. I will temporarily be joining the fuzzy headed people with no facial hair. No, I'm keeping my eyebrows and lashes, just not much else in the way of headed hair.

Don't worry so much; it's always temporary. I'm just not in a show for the first time in about 4 years and the prospect of doing something to my hair without anyone being able to tell me no is too good an opportunity to just let go. And getting a haircut is kind of normal. So I'm buzzing it. I prolly won't like it, because I've never done it before, but who knows? The beard is also coming right back, but I thought while I was shaving one, I might as well shave the other too. Err, buzzing... you get the idea.

And I'm moving again, stopping by the old stomping grounds a week from yesterday, so if you're there, and you know who you are, you should be there so we can hang.

Even though you'll be freaked out at my crazy new look.

Later,

LB

So I've Been Busy...

So for all of you that still check this blog (can't imagine there are even too many of those), I'm just letting you know that I have been busy, but now that's almost done with, which means I'm moving, which means there will likely be less activity, and I'm going to be travelling a bit, and staying at home for a bit, which will further lessen activity, meaning I will likely keep up on this a bit, but don't expect novels... Not until I actually write and publish one of those anyway.

So the show I've been doing is almost over, and that's kind of a weird feeling, because I've done over 90 performances... lemme check... 98 to date, and that's if you don't count all the extra rehearsals, initial rehearsals, and whatnot. This is the last week, and that means I'll have done 104 total performances. Probably at least 112 total runthroughs (yeah, we didn't get enough of those, really). Heh. And now it's all coming to an end, and I'm moving once again... That's a little annoying just because I brought most of the furniture here, and don't really want to just get rid of it... Anyway, That's all one. As soon as I have it all figured out (I mean moving, not life) I'll feel better about the time I'll spend doing it.

So there's your update, and yes I started all the paragraphs with so.

So what?

LB

Food

I love food, but I've really come to hate preparing it (for just myself) and I hate spending money on it. The reason is simple. With my metabolism, I literally spend more money on food than I do on rent, and that's when I'm cooking for just myself which, when I eat properly, is a bazillion times a day. Seriously, I could eat what would be a meal for a normal person every hour of the blessed day.

Yay for me, right? I can eat so much and I don't gain any weight... I can eat anything I want (except for being allergic to chocolate)... Wondrous life. Not really. People don't realize how monotonous it can get (that word is monotonous... wow) to be eating constantly or starve. I literally get tired of chewing before I get full. I get busy working on something, and I keep having to stop so I can eat more food. I eat pasta by the 2 quart potfull, and I'm hungry again in a couple of hours. Starving, I dare say. I hate having to buy more food. Coming from a poorish family, I have problems spending money on food that's not seriously on sale. I have to go shopping at least once a week, bring back enough food for a family of four, and hope it lasts me until next week, which it only will if I starve myself. Making me somewhat malnourished, more cranky, and getting my stomach mad at me.

It's a conflicted viewpoint, because I do like having this metabolism but, unlike most people think, it does have it's downsides.

That said, I need to eat again.

Lone Barbarian

Speaking of Time...

I'm feeling like I'm out of time, but I'm not really sure why, since I'm going to be where I am for the next couple of months at least. I don't know. It's confusing in a freaking out sort of way. Like I've got too far to go and too little time to do it in, and I don't rightly know which way I'm going...

Timely

I was looking at my friends blogs, some of which haven't been updated in a long time, only to remember that it has been over a month since I last updated mine. So here you are.

There are nine of us total in this apartment, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers has officially opened (but there's still a grand opening tonight), and I'm finally starting to get paychecks for it, which is good because living off a credit card sucks (not to mention it was almost full).

Ummmmmmmmmmmm... What else to say... I have nothing to say. Nothing more right now anyway.

Wyoming

I'm in Wyoming. In case anyone cared and didn't know already.

It's kinda fun, rehearsals haven't started yet, and until everyone else arrives next week I have an apartment to myself. Honestly, though, there are a few little things that I'm not sure are going to work with 7 in the house.

1) The washer is a washer/dryer combo, which actually kinda sucks, because it's only big enough to do half-sized loads and it takes forever because there's only one machine, so A load takes some 1.5 to 2 hours to do. I am a lone man, and it's taking me multiple days to do laundry just because I don't have time to be putting in loads all day. Not sure how to fix this, since there aren't hookups for a real washer/dryer set in the apartment, and transporting laundry on a bicycle is just not reasonable.

2) The kitchen is smaller than the upstairs bathroom, which brings me to problem

3) The bathrooms are very small and have no – repeat - No storage space.

4) I suppose a pint sized dishwasher isn't too much of a problem if you're never there (like after rehearsals start), and I suppose it's really about the size of a mini-fridge rather than a pint, but that's all one.

5) Most all the furniture in here is mine. This wouldn't be a problem if it was just me, but I don't know how hard these 6 other people are going to be on my stuff. I got it for free, granted, but it's still my stuff, and I feel a certain attachment and responsability to it. I could make it a separate problem, but what the hay, the dishes and silverware here will likely be mostly mine, too.

6) The apartment came with plants. I don't know how to take care of plants properly, and I'm pretty sure I'll forget about them. They're like 5 different plants in here, and they all have rules about how much water, how often, and how much plant food they need. I don't want to kill them, and I'm going to try to look up info about them, but I'm not sure they'll survive the summer.

7) Shopping on a bicycle sucks. I just thought I'd add that. It wouldn't be so much of a problem for most, I suppose, especially since there's a great dollar store where you can get a lot - and I mean a lot - of stuff, but when you eat as much as I do, that's a lot of stuff to carry in one load. I'm finding myself going shopping 3-4 times a week. And unless you're in love with shopping, that sucks. And yes, it's too far to walk. The bad part is, once rehearsals start, I'm probably going to be eating out more often, since we'll be having 14 hour days until the show opens (which is 2 weeks after rehearsals start). Once the show opens, I should have a little more time, but we're still talking about shopping in the morning instead of afternoon or evening, since all of those will be taken up.

Yeah, I ended up listing some general problems instead of just those of overcrowding, but they are all real, and will likely affect all or at least most of us.

There are some nice things here, too:

1) I'll probably be a significant part in the shootout, and will be doing it every night, which means I'll be shooting guns every night in front of large audiences in the town square before the show. The downside is I won't be getting all those tips from waiting tables, but I think I'll get to do some of that still anyway.

2) I'm doing props for the show, which is some stress, but mostly it's pretty cool, and I might get some moola prolly for that in addition to everything else I'm getting paid for.

3) I'm already comfortable moving around town, know where most everything important is, and am already established in my apartment. I know where a lot of good places to eat are, where to avoid, and where to go shopping for stuff.

4) The Branch out here plans things around the actors, since there are so many here in the summer. That's cool, although, night hikes that last until 2 AM with rehearsal at 830 AM don't mix very well. Still, it's coo. (Yes, I dropped the L on purpose!)

5) I got some Orange Marmalade. How is that not cool?

6) We have a nice microwave. What bachelor place could be better than one with a good microwave?

7) I get to work with some crazyfun people.

There are always ups and downs to things mortal. Make sure you count at least as many ups as you do downs.

LB

Nudged

Nudges are interesting. Cool, but interesting.

Ever find yourself seeing the end of a path without seeing how to get to that end? And until then you're going off these nudges, that you know are going to get you there, but in the meantime, you can't quite see how.

On another note, I am surprised to see how well I've been keeping up on this. I know, I post maybe twice a month (on average), but frankly, it's more than I thought it would be. Heh.

Hamlet

Being an actor right after directing a show is funny. Interesting too. I already have a bunch of ideas for how I would direct Hamlet, or at least how I would play the character. Of course, I do that with just about every character in every show I'm in, so I guess it isn't really news; merely something to mention.

I have to admit, I'm sad that I'm leaving. There are people here I know and care about a lot, not to mention I still want to start a band, a production company, a theatre, and all that. And I know I can do those things elsewhere (and likely with even more success since the market here is bloated in those areas), I just know people I could do those things with here. But I'm going, and I need to make new friends, while keeping in touch with these ones, too.

I'm tired; 6am work and 6pm show, both at 5 hours a piece, doesn't really give you 8 hours to sleep ever. Funny that.

How disappointing.

Well, it's not like I didn't get cast, I mean, I got cast. Just not as the part I wanted. Heh. Not any of the parts I wanted. I got the old man. THE OLD MAN! I can't believe that in a "Professional Theatre" I once again got cast as the old man. Something I was distinctly told would not ever happen, because they can always get a real old man instead of me. Go figure. This did make me question their need to always give me those roles, since they were effectively a waste of my education time, but that is as they say that. I'm playing the old man when they could have gotten a real one instead. Let's hear it for the bit part actor (yay).

Notwithstanding all this annoyance, I do get to understudy the lead, and that's pretty cool. Actually I think understudying the part is much harder than actually getting to play it since you need to memorize two parts and blocking and song sets and makeup designs and costume plots and fight parts (if applicable) instead of just one. So I won't have the time, nor the attention from the director to develop my character as well as the actual lead will, nor will I have sufficient stage time with the girl I'll be playing opposite (unless she's an understudy who's playing the old woman – Hah!). I was just hoping to get the part I wanted. For Once In My Life. Nope, not yet. Not not not not not not not not yet. But there is always a reason for everything, so even though I'm whining about it right now, I realize that this is what has been decided, and there's nothing I can or should do to change it, because it happened this way for a reason. I just need to do my part. And the challenge will be good for me. Challenge is good. I like challenges. Especially in acting. So I should be happy for this.

Stop whining. Aah!

LB

I got call-BACK!

So I might actually get the first lead of my life. Discounting villains, of course. I don't want to get my hopes up too much; they do have two other cities to audition in, and those other cities may be LA and NY. But I'm still excited. If I get any of the main characters, I'll be happy. As long as I don't get Random Townsman in the Background, I should be okay. I've gotten tired of character roles, though I think those'll get me more work. I'll give an update as soon as I know.

Of course, there's a good chance that if I do get cast, I'll have to leave my other job a little early, since they'll want me to shave as soon as Twelfth Night is over, and I can almost guarantee that this show will insist that I keep the facial hair. The fact that the separation between one show and the next is only about a month doesn't help, since I usually need a good two to grow out a good beard. Heh. It's only a few weeks... Start saving now... As long as I have enough to move in, and keep up on food, I should be just fine. But nothing more can I spend than these necessities...

Yeah...
LB

Try reaching out.

I've actually come to the conclusion that people in general are afraid of risk. So the effort to connect isn't usually there unless there is a sufficient amount of common ground to stand upon. If you're the only one giving, then you find yourself standing on unfamiliar ground, where you can get easily knocked about. People don't like that, generally. Some live for it, sure, but they're few.

So if you have the luck of finding common ground with people, and can maintain that ground, then you're much more likely to connect with others around you. That's a good thing. Unless, of course, you are a psycho intent on ruining the lives around you while seeming like a helpless innocent bystander. Then that's bad, and you should never connect with anyone who can't at least ruin your life while you ruin theirs. But I digress.

If you stop reaching out, in my experience, you will find that few will reach out to you. So even though it's hard to connect and make friends beyond the casual, working, or school-related acquaintance, if you don't try, you will never succeed (though I will admit the possible exception of someone refusing to let you disappear into the night, as it were).

But I'm sure I'm doing something wrong, for others seem to connect just fine; they are all drawn to each other, and willingly seek each other out. I kind of feel like that doesn't happen very often, which may just be the pessimist in me. I don't know. Loneliness is an annoyingly whiny thing to write, and I'm sure it's worse to hear. So the real question is: What steps are you taking to fix this apparent problem? How does one improve the ability to reach out and connect with others? Do you find what seems to annoy others and squelch it? Do you change your belief system to mimic theirs? Do you mold yourself to fit in the whims of the society that surrounds you, participate in their humor, view their entertainment, and in all things follow their lead? It cannot be so. It goes against all I know to do any of those things. Well, turning down what annoys others may not be a bad idea, but I don't know that I'd even go very far with that, provided the things you do are not offensive in nature, but just little personality quirks. I don't mean anything serious. But stifling your modes of expression can only happen so much before you either go into depression or explode. Sometimes both.

It's easy. Sliding to try and fit in can be easy. But then it is by no means worth it, because you won't be yourself and you'll be cheating both you and your surroundings. Don't give in to that. Don't change who you are unless it's really for the better. Not for better acceptance; better life. Don't change your life unless you're improving your character. Becoming a better person. I felt I stooped a little today. Tried too hard. It's the facetious humor. Saying things you really don't mean just to be funny. Like sarcasm, but usually more ridiculous instead of biting.

Seriously though, how can you improve connection to people who stand on such different ground than you? If you can't learn that, then you're going to be alone. Unless you have that lucky ground that is common to most people, as previously mentioned. How are you going to do it?