What do you want?

No, really, what do you want? Out of life. What do you want out of life?

Because I just realized I'm not as sure about that as I thought I was.

I wanna make movies, be in movies, write movies, direct plays, be in plays, write plays, write books, write songs, sing, dance, play instruments, fight, choreograph fighting, design video games, maybe some industrial design, and get married and have a family. Not in any particular order, you understand, I want to do all of that before I die. Plus some other things that I'm sure I'm forgetting at the moment.

Is that specific enough? And I guess I should say, no it's not. Because that's an insane amount of things, and I've got to start somewhere first. So, that's all good. Everything on there is good. Now what am I going to do first?

Well, I'm in plays now, so I think I can scratch that one off the list, although I don't particularly plan on stopping the playage any time soon. I've directed plays, and plan on doing that again, soon. I have also both choreographed and performed fights, dances, I've sung, played instruments, and whatnot. I've even written a couple short plays that were produced. But I will also continue all that. So what next?

So, getting married would be nice, but I was already in that show. By Shaw. George Bernard Shaw. It was my senior project in acting. Anyway...

Writing a book now, I have a short film in post, working on a few screenplays, even a video game design, and a comic are in the works.

Maybe that's why I'm in such a quandary; I have actually completed almost everything on that list, even if on a very small scale. I mean, when I say make movies, I want to make blockbusters, but I also know that that's still a long way off.

But in all these things I have done, I haven't done what I need to do. Not really in any of those areas. But I have made myself the Jack of all Trades without becoming a master of any, yet. Some I'm closer on than others, certainly.

And I feel like I'm running out of time. Or at least that I'm taking too long to accomplish all these things. It's important, and important in some way that I don't even understand yet. Some way that I have yet to fathom. And even if I think I know, because I think I might know why it's so important, and why I'm taking too long, still I don't know and don't understand. Because I get the feeling that if I really understood it, if I really really understood what it was I had to do and in what time frame I was supposed to do it, I'd be be pulling all-nighters because my deadline's fast approaching or mayhaps even past.

And somehow knowing that intellectually isn't enough.

Sometimes life is frustrating like that.