Affected effects of Affectation

You really can't say that your environment doesn't affect you. Everything from what kind of job you have, what kind of company you keep, what you had for breakfast, to what kind of things happen to you in any given day affect who you are and who you will become. Not that we are products of society. Not entirely. There is always what we bring to the table as well. Two different people will take the same ingredients and make very different meals out of them.

I'm mentioning this for a few reasons. One, for all those people who keep telling me that "it doesn't affect them." Two, for those who blame their environment for what they have become. And Three, because I'm noticing how my change in environments has affected me.

I have become more serious. Not to say I am without my humor, without the inherent insanity that comes from who I am, or without the desire to be so. I think it boils down to the fact that I haven't been performing for almost a year. This is after about four years of almost non-stop performing. I'm even stage managing right now, and that's not even close to exciting. Stressful, yes. Exciting, no. So I'm going without the post performance highs that I used to live on. The rush of being on stage, whether comedy, musical, or dramatic, is something I do miss. A lot. Seeing shows might help a little, and I haven't been doing that very often. But even then, it's not the same. Not at all. No, preciouss. Not very nice at all...

I also haven't been able to fight. And that's just depressing. I even told one of my cousins (who is under 12) that I was old now, and a very boring person. That's sad. In my defense, it was a lazy Sunday afternoon and not an exciting, game filled weekday. Still, I felt boring. It could also have been the draining hyperactivity of children that made me want to relax.

Another contributing factor is the amount of change that happens when you leave a place for a year, and then come back. First of all, nobody's here anymore. That's a sweeping generalization, because some are still here, but no one has time to hang because they're like me a year ago; constantly in shows, in school, working, and insanely busy. It's that Social Undead-ness. I can't seem to get out of it, and I'm not even in a show. Stage managing one, but it's not the same. Not the same at all (except in the ridiculous time commitment). But we're not even rehearsing at night right now, so those are open, but I'm not used to having the time, and everyone that I first think of spending time with is busy. It's funny. I'm not sure there is a cure for undeath. There isn't in any of the books... Though I think there is in the game Oblivion, but only if you caught it within a certain time frame. Oh well. Maybe it's too late for me to become a normal socially alive person. I think that may have been taken care of way back when I first became an actor.

This isn't whining, in case anyone thought to read it in such a voice. This is more like a scientific introspective. Internal Rhetoric. Yes. Yes! I rather fancy that. Call it Internal Rhetoric.

LB