Reason? The men love to fix problems, and the idea of stewing over a difficulty without an attempt to remedy the situation is most often a foreign concept to them.
But it moves to a deeper level than just that. Men want to fix everything; make everything right. This even goes to emotions, causing the man to attempt to squelch or control his own so that he may at least appear strong and thus able to play the hero to any damsels in distress ("Dis dress, dat dress, who cares? I'm distraught!"*). Also, if said "hero" hears a female friend of his complain of not having a boyfriend or other male attention, there is quite often an urge to see if there is a way to remedy even that. Not by finding a date for them, or any attempt to find the perfect man for them. No, he will often attempt to reason in his own mind if he may not be the one to end her solitude. This isn't thought in any prideful, disdainful, or creepy way, but rather is in the hope of fixing the problem. Most men love to be the hero, and would love to be the answer to some girl's prayers. So they investigate the potentiality of such a match, resulting in a mini-crush on her as they identify key similarities and differences before arriving at the decision that they're best off remaining as just friends. Fortunately, most often this assessment of prayer-answering-ability is done within the male's own mind, and thus rarely throws any cogs into the woman's gears.
What if he was the perfect guy for her? Then he would (and should) ask her out (after he attains an understanding of the potentiality). If he doesn't see it, then... well... we'll have to hope for the best. If they're really perfect for each other then they both should see that something's possible. But that's not what I'm trying to discuss.
Some men (especially nice men) put themselves into the silly mental trauma of trying to be the perfect man for just about every girl they're friends with. This never works because their friends all have different personalities, likes, dislikes, and needs. Now if they're smart chaps, they will realize this and cease their constant character shifts (though I can guarantee they'll still be thinking about it), and try their hardest to be themselves.
I will say it's a frustrating thing for nice guys; nice guys are bachelors for a long time, usually. They often have more... unique personality traits and habits that make them easy to be friends with, but often hard to remain with for extended periods of time. Nice men are often only able to be taken in doses. Measured doses. Leading them to feel very lonely, although often surrounded by friends. I'm sure this is a strong motivation in their desire to be the hero, the perfect man for some girl. Unfortunately, I think it may also be the reason they try to fix too much and remain in their singleness for such a long time. I could speak of one or two in particular, but I firmly believe this has more universal application.
No, I don't think nice men should start behaving like jerks (a good percentage of other men). I am not trying to fix things. I am merely pointing out an interesting (if sad) effect the course of our human psyches may take us. Unfortunately, in all my discussion, I don't feel like I have discovered the reason for why these things are the way they are. I even admit the possibility of all this being only my imagination (I do have a vivid one). However, my observations are quite extensive on the matter; I spend a lot of time observing people, and how they interact with others (including myself). I have had many conversations with men and women on the subject, and still have no answer for it.
Heh. Go figure.
Bullwinkle: Hey lady, are you in distress?
Natasha: Dis dress, dat dress, who cares? I'm distraught!
Bullwinkle (to Rocky): Do we help ladies in distraught?
1 comment:
(Surpressing insulting comment).
(Surpressing vile/cynical comment).
(Surpressing ad nauseum sarcastic comments).
Huh. I guess I won't make fun of you this time around.
But it's probably much different than you think. Or even what I think. Neither gender really ever understands the other, you know.
But... one of my takes on the situation (and while you're reading, pass yourself the salt, please):
#1, 'nice guys' generally equal complete dorks with no pick-up skills. They have no balls. Why does it end up the 'jerk' who gets the girl? Well, perhaps he's not really a 'jerk'; he just knows what he wants, and goes for it, not letting any dorks get in his way. And of course, they being dorks, see this as him 'butting-in', and being a 'jerk' (Hell; I doubt that they've ever seen a real jerk. They'd probably get an aneurism from it if they did.)
#2, people are afraid. I swear to Avylah, ever since I entered college all those years ago, I have never met more cowards before in my life. I mean, in many ways, they're worse than the sex-obsessed bastards on campus; at least the sex-obsessed bastards will make friends with you (except at your $%*#ed up university, where even those won't -- fear, incidentally, lends itself to the perception of others being 'competition' or 'threats'). But seriously, girls aren't going to flock to 'nice' guys. They scare them (if they're not thinking 'stalker', then it's something else. Either that, or dorks scare them. [Maybe, even, they're so used to being objectified that they can't handle being treated like a human being... I swear, some women are like this. It's sick.])
#3, women (not all, of course, just some) have a tendency think they're perfect, generally directly proportionate to how 'hot' they are. Being 'nice' is often seen as weak, and a 'perfect' woman isn't going to want a weak man. (Guys will think they're perfect, too, but generally, they're easy to see right through. Of course, those so-called 'hotties' [e.g. 'I'm perfect' type girls] won't be perceptive, or indeed intelligent enough to notice.)
Sorry, mon ami. 'Nice' guys are dorks.
... What, me, hypocrite? Come come, now. I have reasons I don't date; particularly because I have yet to see an example of how dating is done that doesn't disgust and appall me, nor have I, indeed, found a woman amongst the so-called 'worth-it' category that has actually succeeded in impressing me.
No, I'm not 'nice' anymore. Actually, I'm not sure if I ever was, really.
Not like you, anyway...
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